Kevin Costner’s seven children have shaped who he is more than any movie role ever could.
In an exclusive chat with PEOPLE, the 70-year-old Oscar-winning actor shared the most powerful parenting lesson he’s learned over the years: treating each child like the unique individual they are. And yes, that means parenting isn’t copy-paste, it’s custom.
“You love them all the same, but they are all different,” Costner shared. “So you find ways to do that without treating them all the same.” It’s a refreshingly honest take on fatherhood, especially coming from a guy who juggles blockbuster roles, directing gigs, and his ongoing partnership with Green Mountain Coffee Roasters. For Costner, love isn’t about sameness, it’s about adapting. “If you just keep coming at them in a certain way, and you’re not getting through, it’s up to you to change a little bit. Maybe your messaging, maybe how you do it. You have to adjust to their individuality.”
And when he talks about “them,” it’s a big bunch. Costner shares three adult kids, Annie, Lily, and Joe, with his first wife, Cindy Silva. Then there’s Liam, his son with Bridget Rooney, and three more, Cayden, Hayes, and Grace, from his marriage to Christine Baumgartner, who he recently divorced. That’s seven very different lives to keep up with, and Costner’s learned that syncing schedules is easier said than done.
“It’s here and there now,” he admitted. “Trying to gather them all [together at the same time] is very difficult as they all move through the directions of their lives.” But that doesn’t mean the emotional closeness has faded. For Costner, the idea of “home” is non-negotiable. It’s something he actively creates, designing every one of his homes with his big family in mind.
“You try to provide a place that they’ll want to return to,” he explained. “I always design my homes for me and mine, for my children and their children, so that they enjoy coming back.”
As for Father’s Day this year on Sunday, June 15, the timing couldn’t be better, it lands right on the same weekend as his son Cayden’s graduation. Costner is clearly bursting with pride as he revealed, “All the children are coming in to see him graduate.” The plan? A laid-back family celebration that stretches over several days. “It’ll be a four- or five-day [event], hanging out for as long as we can.”
And that pride for Cayden runs deep. “We’re all really proud of him,” Costner said. “[This is] one of those things that mark his life, and he’s done it beautifully.” For someone who’s racked up an Academy Award, an Emmy, and a Golden Globe, Costner still lights up the most when he’s just talking about being a dad.
He may be deep into promoting Horizon: An American Saga as its director, writer, and star, but there’s no doubt where his priorities lie. Kevin Costner isn’t just building a cinematic legacy, he’s building a home, a foundation, and a lifetime of connection with his kids. Whether it’s figuring out how to get through to them or making sure there’s always a space they can come back to, Costner is doing fatherhood his way, and he’s doing it beautifully.
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